Wedding Planning Series 4
Who’s Doing What? Involving Loved Ones In Your Wedding
Now that we have an idea of who is coming to your wedding, we need to think about who will be doing what for your wedding! During your engagement, you are likely to be bombarded with offers to help, suggestions and advice, all shared in good spirit.
To spare your relationship, as well as your own mental health, it helps to decide early on how involved family and friends will be in the wedding planning process, and what they might do on the day. This includes assigning specific roles and jobs to give you both the support you will need, as well as ensuring that everyone gets to feel included in your special day.
The following are just some potential tasks you could assign to yourselves and others. Talk these through with your fiancé, and reassign roles and tasks as needs be. These are just some ideas; there are no rules to follow. Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
BRIDE/LEAD NEARLY-WED
● Leads the planning, supported by their fiancé and, possibly, parents
● Organises the decoration of the venue(s) and flowers
● Chooses their personal wedding party support team (Person of honour/Matron of honour, Attendants/Bridesmaids, Flower children, Ring Bearers).
● Chooses attire for themselves and their wedding party support team
● Sends out invitations (if their parents prefer not to)
● Writes and organises thank-you letters
● Chooses wedding rings with their fiancé
GROOM/SECOND NEARLY-WED
● Supports the wedding planning\
● Chooses their personal wedding support team
○ Person of Honour/Best Man
○ Attendants/Groomsmen
● Chooses attire for themselves and their team
● Organises transport
● Organises the honeymoon
● Makes a speech thanking parents, guests and toasting the Wedding Party
● Pays for the weddings rings, carried them to the ceremony, then hands them over to the person of honour/Best Man
PARENTS
● May offer to contribute to costs
● If so, you may ask them to pay for a specific part of the wedding (e.g. the drinks) and get them to take responsibility for its selection, production and delivery. This enables your parents to have a decision-making role, but reigns in the extent of their involvement
● Supports their child in undertaking their wedding responsibilities
● Helps to communicate with, and coordinate, their wider family
● Organises and hosts the wedding rehearsal dinner (possibly in conjunction with attendants)
MOTHER OF THE BRIDE/LEAD NEARLY-WED
● Supports planning (if invited to do so)
● Coordinates invitations and RSVPs
● Coordinates with other parents over what outfits they will be wearing
● Organises and hosts the wedding morning preparation for their child and attendants
● Supports their child during the wedding morning preparations
● Can walk with their child down the aisle. If not, is the last to be seated at the ceremony
FATHER OF THE LEAD NEARLY-WED/BRIDE
● Escorts their child to the wedding ceremony (can also be with the mother)
● Walks their child down the aisle (can also be with the mother)
● Makes the first speech, a toast to the couple
SIBLINGS
● Are often included in the wedding party. If not, they can
● Be assigned a specific planning role as per parents
● Support their parents in communication with/coordinating the wider family
● Meet and greet guests and usher them to seats
● Be assigned the task of transporting out-of-town guests to/from airports, hotels and wedding venues
THE BEST MAN/ PERSON OF HONOUR
● Organises the pre-wedding party (Stag Night)
● Oversees the ceremony set-up (e.g. reserved seat signs, order of service sheets, supports the celebrant in their set-up)
● Responsible for the wedding rings and presents them during the ceremony
● Organises the distribution and fixing of buttonholes
● Responsible for the collection and return of hired suits
● Helps the Groom/Second Nearly-Wed get ready
● Liaises with the MC on behalf of the couple
● Checks-in on the Groom/Nearly-Wed throughout the day (providing drinks, etc.)
● Includes messages from absent friends in their speech
GROOMSMEN/ATTENDANTS
● Support the Best Man/Person of Honour
● Help with the ceremony set-up
● Help with any reception room alterations needed (e.g. moving tables to create a dance floor)
● Help create a great atmosphere at the reception (e.g. inviting guests to dance, mingling, fetching drinks, etc.)
MASTER OF CEREMONIES (MC)
● Assists with welcoming guests and helping them to the ceremony site
● Helps gather guests for photos
● Helps guests find their seats
● Explains the sequence of events for the day
● Liaises with your wedding vendors and ensure everything is running to schedule
● Announces the arrival of the newlyweds to the wedding reception
● Announces events (e.g. the first dance, cake cutting)
● Introduces speakers at the reception - and keep them on time!
● Explains to guests about how meal service will occur
CHIEF BRIDESMAID/MATRON OF HONOUR/PERSON OF HONOUR
● Is the Bride/Nearly-Wed’s main support during wedding planning
● Organises any pre-wedding parties and/or liaises with the Mother over this
● Responsible for the attendants/bridesmaids, flower children and ring bearers - making sure they are dressed, ready and know their duties
● Responsible for all the clothing and accessories being clean, pressed and organised for the wedding morning
● Responsible for having an ‘Emergency Pack’ (e.g. make-up, safety pins, medications, tissues, etc.) on hand throughout the day
● Helps the Bride/Nearly-Wed get dressed
● Responsible for the Bride’s/Nearly-Weds dress and train (if applicable). Ensures that everything looks great before the ceremony and during photos
● Holds the bouquet during the ceremony
● Checks-in on the Bride/Nearly-Wed throughout the day
● Responsible for packing any personal belongings, gifts and cards at the end of the evening (this may be done alongside Parents)
● May give a speech
BRIDESMAIDS/ATTENDANTS
● Support the Chief Bridesmaid/Person of Honour
● Take responsibility for Flower Children and Ring Bearers during the ceremony
● Help create a great atmosphere at the reception (e.g. inviting guests to dance, mingling, fetching drinks, etc.)
● Children can be asked to be part of your bridal party, either as junior bridesmaids or as flower girls. There’s nothing quite like lil’ cuties toddling down the aisle! However, it’s unfair to ask very shy littlies to walk down the aisle by themselves. Consider having a bridesmaid or parent holding their hand, or skip the ceremony all together and focus on getting cute shots with them before and/or after the ceremony.
USHERS
● Help with the set-up of the ceremony
● Familiarise themselves with the location of VIP seats, lead VIP guests to them
● Meet and greet guests
● Hand out order of service cards and any guest comfort accessories (e.g. umbrellas, rungs, bug spray, etc.)
● Help tidy ceremony space afterwards as needed
FURTHER WAYS TO INVOLVE FAMILYThe preparation, organisation and running of your wedding are not the only ways to involve your loved ones in your wedding. Beyond assigning technical roles, you may wish to include them directly in your celebration, as a way of adding more meaning, love and joy to the big day.
UNITY RITUALS
An obvious way to do this is to invite one or two to give a reading as part of your wedding ceremony. However, you might also want to consider including them in a Unity Ritual.
Basically, a Unity Ritual (otherwise known as a "Unity Ceremony") is a symbolic ritual performed during your wedding ceremony that represents you both becoming united as a couple.
Unity Rituals aren't necessary to get married, but they help to add significance and meaning to such an important, life-changing event. As more and more couples get married outside of a formal religion, a Unity Ritual can add a spiritual and emotional element that might otherwise be missing. As Christina Baldwin puts it:
"Ritual is the act of sanctifying action - even ordinary action - so that it has meaning. I can light a candle because I need the light or because the candle represents the light I need".
You can also include Family and Community Unity Rituals in your wedding ceremony. These represent the coming together of friends and families on both the bride and groom’s sides to unite as one. These rituals can be particularly meaningful if blended families are involved. They are also very meaningful when family and friends live far away. Your wedding may be the only time you have all your loved ones gathered together at the same time. A unity ritual can be used to acknowledge and honour this.
In my Blog “11 Heart-Felt Family Unity Rituals To Give Your Wedding Ceremony Meaning”, I describe some rituals that you might like to include. These include:
● Family Candle Lighting
● Family Hand-Fasting
● Gift Giving
● Family Vows
● Wishing Stones
● Family Sand Ceremonies
GIFTS AND NOTES
Beyond your ceremony, individually thanking loved ones for the part they played in your life leading up to your wedding can be incredibly powerful. It can make them feel special, cherished and included. This can be in the form of a thank you gift, a letter or even a note. A small personal touch goes far toward a feeling of inclusion.
You could schedule a special time with your family leading up to your wedding and actually on the day, especially parents and grandparents. Perhaps you could add a dance with parents, or having tea and cake with your Nana on your wedding-day run-sheet. Also, don’t forget to take time to personally thank (and spend time with) friends and family that have come a far distance for you. Add this to your run-sheet if needed.
If you have the time and energy, you could consider writing a personal note for ALL your guests and leaving it at their place-setting for them to read. This is so appreciated and really adds to the guest experience.
If you have the time and energy, you could consider writing a personal note for ALL your guests and leaving it at their place-setting for them to read. This is so appreciated and really adds to the guest experience.
SOME FINAL THOUGHTSMuch to my surprise, this Blog has ended up longer than I had anticipated. This is a reflection of how important I think it is to spend time really thinking about how you will involve your loved ones in your big day. This is an aspect of wedding planning that can cause stress, hurt and even anger amongst friends and family. Communication and empathy are vital. And this starts with you and your fiancé sitting down together, discussing your viewpoints and forming a united ‘front’. Together, you will be in a better position to negotiate the challenges of the guest list!
AUTHOR: Lyndal McKenzie
Owner and Lead Designer,
Little Lace Flower Company}
Wedding and Event Styling, Floral Design and Bespoke Crafting
Photo Credits (in order of appearance): Thomas Ae - Unsplash, Andres Molina - Unsplash, Katherine Hanlon - Unsplash, Jakob Owens - Unsplash, Billie Brook Photography, Kats Weil - Unsplash, Jennifer Kalenber - Unsplash, Bernard Tuck - Unsplash, Lena - Unsplash, LLFC, Ryan McCauley Photography, LLFC, Eric Ward - Unsplash.