Involving Loved Ones Series 1

Ten Heartfelt and Whimsical Ways To Involve Your Children In Your Wedding Ceremony

A wedding is not only a time to celebrate your love, but to acknowledge and celebrate the family and friends that were there for you throughout your life and on your journey to the altar. Its natural that you will want to include your family and friends in your big day in some form or another. Yes, there are the traditional “bridesmaids and grooms-men” roles, but what other options are there?

If you have children, this will be uppermost in your mind. How can you include them in a way that makes them feel special and that feels authentic and meaningful to you? This can be fraught with anxiety, especially if blended families are involved, your children range in ages and /or they range in their excitement about being involved.

Unity Candle

Who doesn't love candles? And, for that matter, lighting candles?

There is something really satisfying and, somehow, spiritual about candles and candlelight.

A popular Unity Ritual is the Candle Ceremony. This is where you both light a candle (representing your separate identities), and then use both candles to light one "Unity Candle". This represents the two of you becoming one.

A sweet variation is to have your children light your individual candles to begin the wedding ceremony. If you're a blended family, have Mum's kids light Mum's candle, and Dad's kids light his. If you don't have kids yet, your parents can light the candles instead.

Family Candle

A popular variation of the Unity Candle is the Reverse Unity Candle. Once you, as a couple, have lit your Unity Candle, it is passed to the wedding party to light their candles, then on to your children (...and then to wider family and friends if desired). After the ceremony, all those involved could keep their candle as a special keepsake, or put them all together on a stand to make a show-stopper display.

A variation of this is to have a family set of candles. Each member lights their own candle, and then uses it to add to the single flame of the Family Unity Candle.

Another variation is to have massed candles on an ‘altar’/ceremony table and have your children light them all before you take your vows. This is a symbolic way of showing their support for the marriage, and as a first 'task' undertaken together as one united family.

These candle lighting rituals are all beautiful and emotional ways to bring your family together.

Circle of Light

For my own Yin and Yang-inspired wedding, our kids lit the eight candles we used to form a circle of light that we then stepped into for our ceremony. This was our own 'take' on a ritual where, in Taoist Philosophy, the circle of light

brings energy and blessings from all elements of life.

Alternatively, your children could light candles

and form a circle around you as you say your vows. For this, make a sure you use tea-light candles in cool-to-the-touch holders, or, if you prefer taper candles, you have hot wax guards on the candle bases.

Family Hand-Fasting

Hand-fasting is an ancient ritual in which your hands are tied together to symbolise the binding of two lives.

There are many variations of this ritual from different cultures and religions; using different types of cords/ribbons and different types of binding 'knots'.One variation is to include your children. Each child selects a ribbon colour that has meaning for them. Then, after the 'formal' hand-fasting, one at a time, each child loops their ribbon around your hands. This is a way of symbolising how the 'knot' formed includes each child, and each child has a role to play keepingthe knot tied and strong.

You could talk to your celebrant about ways you could include your children’s hands in the binding process.

Blending Ceremonies

These usually involve beer or wine, where you each choose a beer/wine that you like (or identify with) and then pour your choice into a unity cup.

You can both then toast each other and drink from the cup.

If you want to involve your children, you could replace the wine and beer with drinking chocolate. Each child can add their favourite type to a family cup. As a family, you could have a lot of fun leading up to your wedding tasting different flavours and chocolate types. This is actually a version of an existing ceremony where milk and dark chocolate are blended, representing uniting in darkness and light, in sweetness and bitterness.

If drinking chocolate isn’t your thing, maybe try blending juices for a fruit punch?

Or you could think outside the juice-box and blend favourite sweets. The family pick'n'mix blend could then be shared out to your guests afterwards.

Gift Giving

In this adorable ceremony, gifts are presented to your children as a tribute and a thankful acknowledgement to the role they play in your family and in your union as a couple.

For blended families, it's a nice touch if you present a gift to your stepchildren to say 'thanks' for sharing their parent with you and letting you into their lives.

Vows To The Kids

These can be some of the most heart-felt and tear-jerking moments of your wedding, especially if you are a step-parent vowing to love your step-kid(s) unconditionally and to be the best step-parent you can be. The kids can get in on the act too, with sibling vows: promising to support and help their new siblings and to strive to be the best brother/sister they can be.

Unity Painting

Are you artistically inclined?

Then maybe you could include a Unity Painting Ceremony? Normally, this involves a couple pouring bottles of their favourite paint colours down a canvas to create a really precious keepsake oftheir day. If you want to add your children, get them to add their favourite colours – making a happy riot of colour that represents you all as one crazy mix-up family.

A more controlled form of this is to get your kids to add their fingerprints to a wedding ‘tree’ during your ceremony.

Your wider family and guests can add to this at your reception afterwards.

‘Love’ Letters

Before your wedding day, get your kids to write down their definition of 'love' (even young kids can get involved, with you writing their spoken answers).

Then, during your ceremony, either they or the celebrant, can read out their answers.

This is a lovely alternative to the usual wedding readings and poems.

Family Sand Ceremony

Finally, another very common Unity Ritual is the Sand Ceremony where you pour different coloured sands into a bottle to represent the two becoming one.

Children can be included by giving them each their own coloured sand to pour in. A bonus of the Family Sand Ceremony, is that you have a lovely keepsake to remind you of your wedding and the bond between you all.

And for a more meaningful (but perhaps less colourful) version, get your family to scoop some soil from a place they love and is important to them. They could then contribute their scoop. Maybe you could plant a tree with the soil as a permanent reminder of your day.

Next Steps:

Hopefully, one of these ideas has got you excited about including your children in your wedding ceremony. If you would like to know more about how it can be smoothly integrated into your ceremony, get in contact with your celebrant. If you haven’t already chosen a Celebrant, head to our Weddings In Wellington Directory to find out about the best in the Wellington Region.

AUTHOR: 

Lyndal McKenzie
Owner and Lead Designer,
Little Lace Flower Company
Wedding and Event Stylists NZ, Decor and Floral Design, Hire & Installation

Photography Thanks:

Drew Perales, Unsplash; Joshua Manjgo, Unsplash; Wijdan, Unsplash; Zac Cain, Unsplash; Abeer Graphis, Unsplash, The Photo